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Dads are about ...

Raising healthy well-rounded young men! This one is for you Sandra. So, where to start with this topic? I guess, fo me, raising two little men on my own, with the extended support of their dad and whanau, my question to myself is often, how do I know that I'm doing this right. Whats more, what are our ideas around what is right?

Some ideas that I am really staunch about is that it is okay for boys to cry,and no they are not being sissy's, they are just expressing their emotions in a healthy and safe way.

Too often I hear fathers and grandfathers telling our young boys out there not to cry because only girls cry. How damaging and what absolute rubbish!

Comments like that teach out boys to suppress their emotions and we end up with a whole lot of raging, angry young men. And yes it is okay fro out little toddlers to play with dolls and push prams around as this nurtures the soft, sensitive part of them.

They need to grow this part if they are to develop into caring, loving and emphatic individuals who are sensitive to others needs and feelings. We don't want to be raising staunch little men who need to be tough and who have learnt that the only emotion that is cool to express is anger.

To the dad's out there with sons, what are your thoughts on this topic? What do you think your role is in your son's life? What are you teaching them? Here is some food for thought for all the fathers out there, who feel a bit lost as far as the whole dad thing goes.

1. Let your little fullas see you cry. This is the biggest gift you can give to your sons, to show them it's okay to be sad and they don't need to express this with anger, they can do it with their tears.
2. Stay connected with your boys. Often our dad's may think that their role is just a financial one, and often work becomes the priority. Take some time to just hangout and be totally present with your sons.
3. Be constantly aware that everything you do is being observed by your little person who looks to you to show him what it means to be a man.
4. To those dad's out there that are unable to play a daily part in their sons lives, please don't stop being a parent because your relationship or your marriage has broken down. Your young fullas probably need you more now than they ever did. Take your boys out if you are able to, ring them and yak about their day, ask about their friends, be interested. By doing this you are letting them know that you value them and they are still very important to you.
5. Raising your children is not just your wife or partner's role. Become equally involved with the running of the home, the caring of your children, school plays, kapahaka, teacher parent meetings, the whole lot. When you do this you are role modelling healthy behaviour to your sons and teaching them how to be a dad when their turn comes around.

To all the males out there, that are in the position of being a role model to a son, a step son, a grandson, a nephew or a younger brother, be aware of the messages you are putting there. Be careful of what you say, how you say it, and how you act, when you are around these little people. They are looking at you to show them the way, so just be aware of how powerful an influence yo are.

Although there are many other perspectives that we can look at when thinking about the healthy development of our growing young boys, this is just one of them. I'm certainly not saying that mum's don't play an important part as well but I chose to discuss the role our dad's play. I have often thought that there isn't enough literature easily accessible, that men would pick up and read. If you know of anyone who would benefit from reading this, please pass it on, as I'm really passionate about people being well informed. It's really difficult for people to make changes in their lives if they don't have the tools.